I'll be your engine driver in a bunny suit, If you dress me up in pink and white, We may be just a little fuzzy 'bout it later tonight

She said:  Off we headed this weekend for an Oregon road trip adventure, destination my cousin’s wedding.  G had never been to Oregon before, so I was excited to show him around and introduce him to my family.  We hit the rode early (7:00 a.m.) thanks to G, and we only made two quick stops; determined to make it to King Estates Winery before the Albany River Rhythm’s concert at 7:00.  This was our first road trip together and the driving time flew by.   We took in the beautiful scenery of Shasta.  We played the license plate game. We sang to Counting Crows, and I am still amazed that we both know essentially every song and every lyric of this band.  The only time G and I get a bit tense during road trip adventures are when GPS, directions, and finding destinations are involved.  I admit I am incredibly directionally challenged and G is a bit stubborn.  He hates the GPS, and I can’t live with out it.  Google maps on the phone is unreliable because service often goes out.  I believe in stopping when lost and asking for directions; G, not so much and would rather back track.  So what is a couple to do:  conflicting  direction-finding beliefs, finding destinations on windy roads, missing signs that are barely visible, and knowing no specific landmarks?  We try to be patient.  We get really quiet.  I send a few prayers up.  And in the end we succeed, albeit I am usually frazzled and sweating profusely.  We hug it out and move forward.

G Said:

I never want a GPS.  You know how they say "never say never"?  Well, I'm saying never.

We all have personality quirks.  Maybe you can't leave the house without your lucky hat; or maybe whenever you eat peas and mashed potatoes, you don't like your food to touch.  I, for one, genuinely dislike the sound of robot navigation.  And you can argue with me all you want about how you can change the sex and nationality of the voice to something more exciting or pleasing...that doesn't change the fact that I've gotta sit there and be bossed around by this device when there's a perfectly good person (in this case, She) in the car with me (and I would MUCH rather listen to her).  My sister has one of these.  She changed the narration to the eastern European guy and has since named her GPS "Gustav."  Because of proximity, my encounters with Gustav have been limited, but let me tell you that he has all the technological abilities of an old Soviet spy satellite.  He'll send you down the wrong exit, or the wrong way up a one-way (which actually happened to She and I this weekend), but he'll get you there....with enough patience.

Please refer above where She calls me stubborn.  She could not be more accurate.

I enjoy a puzzle and a chase.  I'm a problem-solver by nature and, given a few ideas, can usually figure things out and don't want to be fed an answer when I'm so so close.  So what does that tell you about me?  That I'm a man.  I'm fully aware that, like, 95% of our current readership is female and I'm setting myself up for all kinds of comments and eye-rolls; however, I'm standing by character traits.  Feel free to call me a "typical male" down below this post, but remember that I give out bonus points for originality.

If our biggest issue is the handling of directions white driving, I think She and I are doing pretty well.  Like she said, she's more the "stop and ask" type, while I'm more the type to take in my surroundings and seek something out.  But that works!  We always get to where we want to go.  So in it's own bizarre way, the universe works itself out.  And you know what?  Driving is a very small part of life; and with the right company, it can still be a good time (even in a stressful situation).

Now, if you wanted to get me this kind of droid-navigation, I wouldn't be opposed.

Oh and one final picture from the end of our road trip day.  We made it to the gas station just in time.

What is your couple style regarding driving and directions?

If there is a load you need to bear, That you can't carry I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, If you just call me.

Today She and G are starting a new series on our blog.  On Monday and Thursdays we will have Q and A  She and G style.  On Mondays G will ask She a question which she will answer and on Thursday She will ask G a question.  Here we go....

G Said:  Just how important is meeting the family?

She Said:  In my case meeting family is a multi dimensional process and a bit untraditional.  The two most important family members in my life are my mom and my closest girlfriends.  As an only child I yearned for brothers and sisters that never came so over the years my close knit group of girlfriends became my sisters.  My family in Oregon is also an important piece in my family makeup.  These three parts of my family patchwork are incredibly important for a boyfriend to know them, respect them, and appreciate them just as much as I do, or relationship simply would not work.

In my life so far, my mom and I are two peas in a pod.  We have battled together through some rough storms and come out on the other side together and stronger for it.  My mom is not judgmental and sees the best in people.  She has never told me who I can and can't date and she trusts my instincts and knows I am a good judge of character, so a boyfriend I bring home to her must be something special.  It is critical my boyfriend meet my mom because of the large role she plays in my life.  I talk to my mom everyday.  My mom is my confidant, best friend, mentor and much more.  She is an intricate part of my life so inevitably becomes a part of my boyfriend's life, as well.  On occasion I want to be able to go out to dinner, wine taste, travel, and hang out with my boyfriend and mom together.  This can only happen if all parties get a long.  And who are we kidding, those who know my mom know she is the easiest person to get to know.  My friend once said any man who has your mom as their mother in law is the luckiest guy in the world.  I believe this.

My girlfriends offer more of a discerning sisterly eye.  They are the ones who have helped mold my personality and know me inside and out.  They have been with me along the road of heartache and breakups.  They know what has worked and what hasn't worked.  They have seen my vision boards of my hopeful future and heard all about my goals when it comes to life and love.  These girls delicately carry my soul, and I value their opinion and thoughts greatly.  Just like my mom, they trust that I expect quality, and are happy if I am happy.  Some of them are also not afraid to speak their minds and let me know their true thoughts about who I am dating.  My girlfriends are my family, and it is extremely important to me for my boyfriend to appreciate and love them just as much as I do.  When I vision my future, I see my friends as a huge part of holidays, summer vacations, house parties, my wedding, my children's lives and much more.  If I have a crisis or problem in a relationship I may turn to one of these respected girlfriends to provide a non judgmental ear and offer advice to strengthen my bond with my partner.  Introducing a boyfriend to my "friend" family  is a big step.

I am a firm believer that if your family is skeptical of who you are dating and has strong opinion, it deserves consideration.  They know you, love you, and are removed from the situation, so can offer a unique outsider perspective.  I worry for anyone that turns away from family and isolates themselves.  Their partnership becomes their everything, and may expect their partner to meet their every need.  This is dangerous and toxic.

And finally there are always family members who provide a challenge.  This may be a family member with whom you are feuding, a family member who is toxic to your life, a family member who is an alcoholic, or does drugs.  When in a relationship one wants to present a positive image, and introducing a partner to this kind of family member may be too difficult.  Once trust and understanding is established with your partner, the difficult introductions may happen.  From my own experience when the right person comes along, they simply understand and proceed without judgment.  They hold your hand through the pain, council you when you need advice, are patient if you need time before introducing them, and are able to separate you from the situation and love you regardless.

G has met the many parts of my family including my mom, some of my close girlfriends, and this weekend he met my amazing Oregon family!  I am so grateful that he has such a willing attitude, a smile on his face, and that he fits right in.

Oregon Family!

My mom and I being silly.

Just some of the girls...



"Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter." Brad Henry

Let us know your thoughts...How important is meeting family to you when it comes to your relationship?

Honey, you are the rock/upon which I stand

She Said: 

I am not one who will pick up the phone and call someone just to chat. I text, I check email and facebook a gazillion times a day, and I put calling people on my “to do” list and then feel tremendous guilt when I don’t make this happen.  I would rather see people in person even if it means driving hours.  Luckily, I have the best of friends and no matter how much time has gone by, when we finally do see each other, it is like no time has passed.  Now this is all well and good except for a long distance relationship.  G and I live an hour and a half away.  We work during the week and see each other on the weekends.  We talk on the phone almost every night.  We are on the phone sometimes an hour and a half to two hours a night.  This boggles my mind.  We are definitely not shmultzy (my terminology for those couples who banter back and forth with pet names and shmoopies, and “no, you hang up. no, you hang up....” not how we roll)  We talk about our days and the people who have shared the day with us, things in the news, stories from our past, our take on shows we are watching, and shoot the breeze.  Sometimes one person yawns, there may be a few long pauses, lots of laughter...and sometimes a nugget of wisdom surfaces from deeper conversations.

6/7/11 Nugget:  Both of us are going through tremendous job transitions.  This is not always pretty, and when you are newer in your couple-hood, you want everything to look positive, fresh, put your best foot forward so to speak.  This facade does not last forever, and thank goodness!  Last night I compared G and I to....I believe my exact words were, “you know that thing with the balls that clicks back and forth.”  Immediately G knew what I was talking about the Newton’s cradle.  This cradle I am sure is surrounded by physics and gravity and stuff frankly my mind would explode in knowing, so I won’t fake it.  All I know is those balls move.  One of the balls hits the others and the one on the opposite side pops up.  And it goes back and forth.  A person stares at it for hours and the movement is calming.  And then without explanation when the ball clicking stops, the ball is pulled back again to see the simple all over.  In a relationship I think when one person is down, the other pulls out of their own ego and life and listens carefully. This is one ball being pulled back maybe two if it is a doozy issue.  Then the listener lets go some thoughts, perspective, questions to start the momentum going.  Hopefully nuggets come out of it, both people feel better, and both start moving back and forth.  The next time the roles may be reversed, but the principle remains the same. 

G Said:

1.  An object in motion remains in motion until an outside force acts upon it.  
2.  Force is the change in momentum per change in time, assuming constant mass.
3.  For every action, there is an equal, but opposite reaction.  


So focus on #3. Clacky-clack balls are a great example.  Pull one back and let it go, and on impact one ball from the opposite end will be expelled.  Now pull two and let them go...two balls from the other side move.  Or, for another example, picture yourself standing on the ground...you can be wherever you want.  For my example, I prefer to be someplace like here or here--but you're more than welcome to have your own.  Anyway, you push against the earth with force exerted downwards (a product of your mass and gravity), while the ground pushes up on you with an equal, but opposite force.  If you're sinking or floating, you crazy kid--how'd you pull that off???  But if you lack super-powers, you're staying where you are.  Easy, right?  Word.  The same principle can be applied to relationships.  


Without going into the gruesome, She and I are both going through different job-transition scenarios.  And to be honest, The Man is in various stages of keeping us down.  An outside force?  Perhaps.  But remove that guy from the equation, because frankly (and this is something that She helped me to realize) the degree to which external forces bother you is entirely mental.  So is it really worth it to be angry at someone or something that cant be changed?  No. So for the last few months, we've each had our share of lousy days (Ed. note:  if anyone says that they only have good days, please check their papers, because that is  a liar-liar-pants-on-fire situation) and She and I have traded off serving as each other's earth. See?  One of us pushes down, and the other one pushes up to keep that person grounded.  It's an awesome system, and I definitely recommend trying it if you can--the only catch is that you need to find the right person.  So be judicious!  People who are happy with themselves, are empathetic, and have a solid core of values work best...and you can work from there!  Not everyone fits the bill.  And it's not like we're negative by any means, but She and I are good at preventing each other from taking on a defeatist-attitude...as long as we both keep trying, eventually something will work in our favor.  While that mentality can be difficult to maintain in a seemingly-endless sea of rejection, the only sure way NOT to improve one's situation is to do nothing at all.