She Said:
I am not one who will pick up the phone and call someone just to chat. I text, I check email and facebook a gazillion times a day, and I put calling people on my “to do” list and then feel tremendous guilt when I don’t make this happen. I would rather see people in person even if it means driving hours. Luckily, I have the best of friends and no matter how much time has gone by, when we finally do see each other, it is like no time has passed. Now this is all well and good except for a long distance relationship. G and I live an hour and a half away. We work during the week and see each other on the weekends. We talk on the phone almost every night. We are on the phone sometimes an hour and a half to two hours a night. This boggles my mind. We are definitely not shmultzy (my terminology for those couples who banter back and forth with pet names and shmoopies, and “no, you hang up. no, you hang up....” not how we roll) We talk about our days and the people who have shared the day with us, things in the news, stories from our past, our take on shows we are watching, and shoot the breeze. Sometimes one person yawns, there may be a few long pauses, lots of laughter...and sometimes a nugget of wisdom surfaces from deeper conversations.
6/7/11 Nugget: Both of us are going through tremendous job transitions. This is not always pretty, and when you are newer in your couple-hood, you want everything to look positive, fresh, put your best foot forward so to speak. This facade does not last forever, and thank goodness! Last night I compared G and I to....I believe my exact words were, “you know that thing with the balls that clicks back and forth.” Immediately G knew what I was talking about the Newton’s cradle. This cradle I am sure is surrounded by physics and gravity and stuff frankly my mind would explode in knowing, so I won’t fake it. All I know is those balls move. One of the balls hits the others and the one on the opposite side pops up. And it goes back and forth. A person stares at it for hours and the movement is calming. And then without explanation when the ball clicking stops, the ball is pulled back again to see the simple all over. In a relationship I think when one person is down, the other pulls out of their own ego and life and listens carefully. This is one ball being pulled back maybe two if it is a doozy issue. Then the listener lets go some thoughts, perspective, questions to start the momentum going. Hopefully nuggets come out of it, both people feel better, and both start moving back and forth. The next time the roles may be reversed, but the principle remains the same.
G Said:
1. An object in motion remains in motion until an outside force acts upon it.
2. Force is the change in momentum per change in time, assuming constant mass.
3. For every action, there is an equal, but opposite reaction.
So focus on #3. Clacky-clack balls are a great example. Pull one back and let it go, and on impact one ball from the opposite end will be expelled. Now pull two and let them go...two balls from the other side move. Or, for another example, picture yourself standing on the ground...you can be wherever you want. For my example, I prefer to be someplace like here or here--but you're more than welcome to have your own. Anyway, you push against the earth with force exerted downwards (a product of your mass and gravity), while the ground pushes up on you with an equal, but opposite force. If you're sinking or floating, you crazy kid--how'd you pull that off??? But if you lack super-powers, you're staying where you are. Easy, right? Word. The same principle can be applied to relationships.
Without going into the gruesome, She and I are both going through different job-transition scenarios. And to be honest, The Man is in various stages of keeping us down. An outside force? Perhaps. But remove that guy from the equation, because frankly (and this is something that She helped me to realize) the degree to which external forces bother you is entirely mental. So is it really worth it to be angry at someone or something that cant be changed? No. So for the last few months, we've each had our share of lousy days (Ed. note: if anyone says that they only have good days, please check their papers, because that is a liar-liar-pants-on-fire situation) and She and I have traded off serving as each other's earth. See? One of us pushes down, and the other one pushes up to keep that person grounded. It's an awesome system, and I definitely recommend trying it if you can--the only catch is that you need to find the right person. So be judicious! People who are happy with themselves, are empathetic, and have a solid core of values work best...and you can work from there! Not everyone fits the bill. And it's not like we're negative by any means, but She and I are good at preventing each other from taking on a defeatist-attitude...as long as we both keep trying, eventually something will work in our favor. While that mentality can be difficult to maintain in a seemingly-endless sea of rejection, the only sure way NOT to improve one's situation is to do nothing at all.
2. Force is the change in momentum per change in time, assuming constant mass.
3. For every action, there is an equal, but opposite reaction.
So focus on #3. Clacky-clack balls are a great example. Pull one back and let it go, and on impact one ball from the opposite end will be expelled. Now pull two and let them go...two balls from the other side move. Or, for another example, picture yourself standing on the ground...you can be wherever you want. For my example, I prefer to be someplace like here or here--but you're more than welcome to have your own. Anyway, you push against the earth with force exerted downwards (a product of your mass and gravity), while the ground pushes up on you with an equal, but opposite force. If you're sinking or floating, you crazy kid--how'd you pull that off??? But if you lack super-powers, you're staying where you are. Easy, right? Word. The same principle can be applied to relationships.
Without going into the gruesome, She and I are both going through different job-transition scenarios. And to be honest, The Man is in various stages of keeping us down. An outside force? Perhaps. But remove that guy from the equation, because frankly (and this is something that She helped me to realize) the degree to which external forces bother you is entirely mental. So is it really worth it to be angry at someone or something that cant be changed? No. So for the last few months, we've each had our share of lousy days (Ed. note: if anyone says that they only have good days, please check their papers, because that is a liar-liar-pants-on-fire situation) and She and I have traded off serving as each other's earth. See? One of us pushes down, and the other one pushes up to keep that person grounded. It's an awesome system, and I definitely recommend trying it if you can--the only catch is that you need to find the right person. So be judicious! People who are happy with themselves, are empathetic, and have a solid core of values work best...and you can work from there! Not everyone fits the bill. And it's not like we're negative by any means, but She and I are good at preventing each other from taking on a defeatist-attitude...as long as we both keep trying, eventually something will work in our favor. While that mentality can be difficult to maintain in a seemingly-endless sea of rejection, the only sure way NOT to improve one's situation is to do nothing at all.
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