G Said: Just how important is meeting the family?
She Said: In my case meeting family is a multi dimensional process and a bit untraditional. The two most important family members in my life are my mom and my closest girlfriends. As an only child I yearned for brothers and sisters that never came so over the years my close knit group of girlfriends became my sisters. My family in Oregon is also an important piece in my family makeup. These three parts of my family patchwork are incredibly important for a boyfriend to know them, respect them, and appreciate them just as much as I do, or relationship simply would not work.
In my life so far, my mom and I are two peas in a pod. We have battled together through some rough storms and come out on the other side together and stronger for it. My mom is not judgmental and sees the best in people. She has never told me who I can and can't date and she trusts my instincts and knows I am a good judge of character, so a boyfriend I bring home to her must be something special. It is critical my boyfriend meet my mom because of the large role she plays in my life. I talk to my mom everyday. My mom is my confidant, best friend, mentor and much more. She is an intricate part of my life so inevitably becomes a part of my boyfriend's life, as well. On occasion I want to be able to go out to dinner, wine taste, travel, and hang out with my boyfriend and mom together. This can only happen if all parties get a long. And who are we kidding, those who know my mom know she is the easiest person to get to know. My friend once said any man who has your mom as their mother in law is the luckiest guy in the world. I believe this.
My girlfriends offer more of a discerning sisterly eye. They are the ones who have helped mold my personality and know me inside and out. They have been with me along the road of heartache and breakups. They know what has worked and what hasn't worked. They have seen my vision boards of my hopeful future and heard all about my goals when it comes to life and love. These girls delicately carry my soul, and I value their opinion and thoughts greatly. Just like my mom, they trust that I expect quality, and are happy if I am happy. Some of them are also not afraid to speak their minds and let me know their true thoughts about who I am dating. My girlfriends are my family, and it is extremely important to me for my boyfriend to appreciate and love them just as much as I do. When I vision my future, I see my friends as a huge part of holidays, summer vacations, house parties, my wedding, my children's lives and much more. If I have a crisis or problem in a relationship I may turn to one of these respected girlfriends to provide a non judgmental ear and offer advice to strengthen my bond with my partner. Introducing a boyfriend to my "friend" family is a big step.
I am a firm believer that if your family is skeptical of who you are dating and has strong opinion, it deserves consideration. They know you, love you, and are removed from the situation, so can offer a unique outsider perspective. I worry for anyone that turns away from family and isolates themselves. Their partnership becomes their everything, and may expect their partner to meet their every need. This is dangerous and toxic.
And finally there are always family members who provide a challenge. This may be a family member with whom you are feuding, a family member who is toxic to your life, a family member who is an alcoholic, or does drugs. When in a relationship one wants to present a positive image, and introducing a partner to this kind of family member may be too difficult. Once trust and understanding is established with your partner, the difficult introductions may happen. From my own experience when the right person comes along, they simply understand and proceed without judgment. They hold your hand through the pain, council you when you need advice, are patient if you need time before introducing them, and are able to separate you from the situation and love you regardless.
G has met the many parts of my family including my mom, some of my close girlfriends, and this weekend he met my amazing Oregon family! I am so grateful that he has such a willing attitude, a smile on his face, and that he fits right in.
Oregon Family!
My mom and I being silly.Just some of the girls...
"Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter." Brad Henry
Let us know your thoughts...How important is meeting family to you when it comes to your relationship?
Ohhh excellent post. Meeting family is hugely important. I feel like knowing your partner's past life experiences is integral to understanding him/her as a person now and in the future. Meeting the people that helped shape that life experience gives context to your partner's view of the world and his/her sense of being.
ReplyDeleteP.S. She, you look absolutely stunning in the second to last photo!
Thank you! Did you know when you wine taste the wine gives your skin a nice glow? ; )
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ReplyDeleteYou're very lucky to have someone as loving and supportive as your mom in your life to help vet relationships. Only someone as spectacular as your mom could produce someone as ebullient as you. What you said about valuing family opinions is very true, they can be vastly important.
ReplyDeleteMeeting Joe's family helped me seal the deal for my devotion to him. Their incredible kindness, friendliness, and closeness reminded me very much of my own family. Even the rough patches. Their exuberant acceptance and affection towards me also means the world to me. I think appreciation of your partner's family is as important as appreciating any other piece of them as part of the whole.
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